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okay seriously if you’re in a relationship or even a friendship and you find yourself spending more time crying out of sadness or arguing with them, leave them. i don’t care if they’re a modern day aphrodite/adonis or a gift bestowed upon you by the gods. toxic people are dangerous and i highly advise cutting them out of your life and finding someone who makes you laugh until you snort your drink out your nose instead.
Anxiety is like perpetually hearing the boss/enemy music but never seeing the threat.
you know when i die i’ll probably just be in the afterlife blogging like
"heaven has no free wi-fi? fuck this shit i’m going to hell"
how do you know hell has wifi
satan owes me several favors
tfw nintendo completely ignores mothers 25th anniversary
my mom went to high school with jamie lee curtis and one time they both got caught smoking pot together and jamie told the teacher it was my mom’s and my mom was suspended and jamie lee got no punishment so think about that next time you want some activia
the laxative yogurt lady fucked over my mom
people who unironically use multiple exclamation points in texts are the cutest fucking thing omfg. even mundane things are made cuter like “just got on the bus!!!! will be home soon!!!” like yeAH UR ON THE BUS U BIG CUTIE. I WILL SEE U AT HOME. LOOK BOTH WAYS BEFORE CROSSING THE STREET.
y’all motherfuckers want a fire elsa so bad but you dont even realize that already exists